It's been ages I think since I thought of my past. I have lost a lot in the years that have gone by... be it the people I love or cherished bonds that were slackened ... and became mere threads tying us together... mere wisps...
But like they say, count your many blessings... for I have been blessed again and again. I believe in God, though I don't call him by any name or identify him as one single idol and By God I have been blessed. For all that I have lost, I have gained strength to endure the loss, the courage to move on. At such times, people say they are sorry for your loss yet I think they seldom understand what it is to loose a friend or a relation. They are just trying to help you feel better, trying to bring solace to you yet it seems biting to me.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that you are only trying to help, but I am not ready to be helped. I need time to understand my own feelings, to deal with it on my own, more importantly to hide all my pain and my sorrow from everyone around. I have to be the responsible one and take care of those around me who have suffered with me.
I hate going to funerals. It's not because I am not sorry for other person's loss. It's because I understand what it is to have lost someone, someone held dear. It's because I know that my "I am sorry for your loss" will sound lame and will bite. It's because I know that I will never be able to utter those words out loud.
I am truly sorry for your loss, even if I can't say it most times.
